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  1. Scotch, Part 3

    04/08/08 05:45:59 | 0

    Okay, last entry on golden-caramel malty goodness. As our aptly named John Walker reminds me, I haven't touched on mixers and that is an unforgivable oversight on my part, for the Catwoman analogies alone.

    We begin with simple dogma: anything that touches the sacred malt as it flows from the cask of plenty is evil. DON'T.
    Drawing on the analogy I have used in the forums about Brubaker, Miller and company:
    If you add a drop of champagne to a vat of piss, it's piss.
    If you add a drop of piss to a vat of champagne, it's piss.

    I don't think anyone capable of reading this far should need that explained as analogy, but I'll elaborate privately if needed. Right now, we're talking literal truth. A single malt scotch like fine champagne is a precious liquid. I don't mean just in terms of what you youself paid for it, I mean in the sense that the bottle you just opened, they started making...
  2. Scotch, Part II

    04/03/08 08:12:19 | 0

    Once upon a time, there was a global event scientists call the "little ice age." Yes, we have endured major climate changes before, we are remarkably clever and adaptable creatures once we figure out "THIS IS OUR ASS." One of the nastiest effects of the little ice age was that grapes no longer grew in many locations where the inhabitants previously enjoyed wine. Inhabitants had to find other ways to brew alcohol. Remember when I said clever and adaptable? Except for a brief flirtation the ancient Egyptians had with beer, this period is where we truly see the development of distilled beverages from grains, be it barley, rye, wheat, or corn. One thing led to another, and after a few hundred years of fussing around with the process… PERFECTION in a glass. Now, I don't want to start a brawl. Irish whiskey is nice. They and everyone else outside of Scotland use an "e." In Scotland, no e. It's spelled "whisky," it's also called scotch...
  3. Scotch, Part 1

    04/02/08 08:12:04 | 0

    Scotch gets a lot of product placement in Cat-Tales. Harvey and Eddie both drink it, and Bruce pretends to. Since I went so far as to divulge Alfred's method of making tea, it's certainly fair that we look into this delightful beverage a bit more. First, let's address why. Scotch is a higher status drink. Among the myriad of preposterously wrong characterization Bruce Wayne is subjected to in fan fiction (and some pro stuff, sadly) tons of it comes down to social class and not understanding the fundamentals of the world he was brought up in. Lesson 1: Drink dry. To put a wine cooler, a sloe gin fizz, one of those foamy milky things, or a glorified slushy in Bruce Wayne's hand is to have him declare that he loves magic and Joker isn't such a bad guy once you get to know him. (Conversely, when Matches Malone enters the picture, he's going to design Matches's lower class tastes from the perspective of his own patrician ones. Enter the "bourbon and...